i am really struggling with being in an organized church system once again. Since January i have been attending a wonderful Babtist church here in Richmond, VA. i LOVE the pastor. He is a wonderful, authentic, kind man. My friend, who is an associate pastor there, leads the Bible study i attend every Tuesday. He and his wife have become dear friends of mine. i recently started attending and being a part of the planning group for our Saturday night service. Gradually more and more have joined and that is no problem for me. Where my struggle begins is with the church polity that begins to encroach upon the fluidity we are trying to achieve. i begin to cringe because this is one of the reasons i left church and why those who don't attend church have misgivings. Granted, i recognize some of these things are in place for order and safety, yet things like where to place offering baskets and who can give communion are issues that are non-issues for me, especially since i have come out of a missions background where we all had opportunities to give communion elements to people.
i recognize that some of my buttons are being pushed, but i just want to throw my hands up and walk away and not be a part of this. Yet, i know all this can be used in the furtherment of my conversion and healing. God, please help me and forgive me where i get prideful and judgmental. i come to you in humility and recognize my hurt, anger, pride, and arrogance and seek your forgiveness. i humbly receive from you this release. Thank you for all the ways you are growing me up and for the opportunities you afford me. Help me to continue to recognize you in all aspects of my life and to let go of things that you are not leading me into.
